Only one name on the door

So yesterday was the day. The day when I came home and saw only my name starring at me on my front door. Finally the people that take care of this property had taken away I's name. I knew it was coming, in the end it was me who asked them to do it, but it still hit me straight in the face. From there on, I actually felt that I was living alone. Silly, how a name on a door can make you feel like you live with somebody even if that person physically hasn't been living with you for months. Why do we need that? I've lived before alone, but somehow now I got used to the thought that I could always ask that other somebody for help if something went wrong. I know I shouldn't depend on other people, but it's just so easy. Damn it.

Anyway, this fall has been very difficult for me. Disappointment after disappointment. Disaster after disaster. This concerning - of course - boys. Like you kind of understood from the topic, I lived with somebody and it didn't work out. After that there has been another two major disasters, when let's say I have disagreed with two gentlemen about what a relationship is all about and therefore I have been left feeling miserable. In this case, I have to say thank god for good friends.

I'm very thankful for the time I spent abroad, in Italy, because I met some fantastic people there. People that I still, after seven months since Erasmus ended for my part, can ask for advice and help. They're amazing. Just yesterday, I asked my good friend Z for some advice about what to do with boys. My dilemma has been, as many know, that I am not sure if I should start relationships with Finnish guys, when I am so clearly affected by my experiences abroad. I do not act like other Finnish girls and I certainly do not think like them. The advice Z gave me was superb.

Here's what she said "Elisabeth, the advice I have for you is that you should take a break from all relationships and only think about yourself. Leave the boys alone, let them fight for you instead. If one is about to start a relationship soon after a bad one, one certainly assures that the next one also will have bad conditions. Above this, one puts up expectations on the new guy, everything that was wrong in the last one has to be proven right in the new one. The best thing is to relax for a GOOD while before starting something new. So that you can start from square one when you meet somebody new." I think that is exactly what I am going to do. Thanks ever so much Z for making me see the reality.

Even though I said I had great friends around the world, it doesn't mean that I don't have them here in Finland. This weekend I got a real surprise. I went to a party with my sister, who's four years older than me, so she has a little bit different circles than me. Anyway, we have friends in common, and this was one of those parties where we were celebrating a common friend. It turned out that during the evening I happened to receive a note from a guy making it quite clear what his interest in me was. I think you can follow. The note was not that discreet.

The amazing part of this evening was of course that when one of my friends, who happens to know the person that gave me the note, heard about the existence of the note, he immediately felt that he had to protect me. So I got to know all about the writer of the note, and got a greater understanding why he gave it to me. I was dazzled by the fact that my friend stood up for me in that way. It made me realize that some people actually do care. I am somebody worth protecting. I felt warm inside. I guess it is a cliché but true: friends are like latherns in the dark, they don't tell you where to go, but they light up your way.

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