Friday, March 27, 2009

The disappearance act

Some time ago, I praised the men I’d been together with and said that they bring an additional value to my life. Well, I must say, I was living in a dream world when I said that. The naïve me wanted to believe that that would be possible. The harsh truth is that those friendships are not a matter of course. Once you start a new relationship, your exes disappear.

Not that much time ago, it was time for the annual event every woman hates after she has turned 17, that is another birthday. This time it was my 23rd – such a useless and meaningless age. But I guess I officially belong to the twenty something girls. Even though I find it to be the best age, the sad truth is that it diminishes every year. Soon I will find myself 25, and then we’ve reached the final countdown to…no I can’t bear to say it, well turning you know what.

Anyway my point was that my birthday this year really showed me who cared. I had invited two of these “great men” as I called them then, and neither one of them showed up. And I haven’t heard from them since that. Obviously according to them, my boyfriend is the one who should deal with me now. Incredible! I mean, where was it ever said that a boyfriend means that a girl can’t have good male friends? Am I not really responsible for myself, and my boyfriend “just” completes me in the sense that he supports me? Why then, do people, especially ex boyfriends, assume that as soon as a girl has a new boyfriend, she is not interesting anymore as a friend? Do I stop having a personality? This gets me so angry!

One of them actually told me something very wise before he disappeared from the face of earth. He called me a relational person. He meant by saying this that I belong to the rare type of people that actually want to keep a relation with an ex. According to him, this is very rare, and that I am the first ex he has ever talked with after he broke up with her. I find this very sad. He said that this was because it was too hard for him to continue a relation. But come on, once you’ve been together with somebody, you have shared some time together. You have a past and you know each other. Why throw that away? What equals a normal relationship with an ex? Are we doomed to forget the men that have affected our lives? I wish men would grow up and realize that hurting people by disappearing is not smart, and will eventually just result in hurting them.

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