Twirling around like an autumn leaf

Life is what you make of it. This is the old saying, once mentioned even in the Forest Gump movie. It truly is so. Autumn depression is common seeing as autumn means going back to daily rutins, responsibilities and everyday life, but this autumn I'm feeling more than that, anxiety actually. Let me explain myself better.

Autumn has started here in Helsinki even though we still have quite warm days with about 20 degrees and sunshine. Actually it has turned out to be quite impossible to determine what to wear each day since it can be chilly in the morning but warm during the day. During the day the temperature rises with an incredible 5-10 degrees! Therefore I have decided that layers are the answer for this autumn's temperature dilemma. I'm still waiting for ruska, a word we use to describe the colorful trees during autumn. I saw some colors in the trees in Lappeenranta, but they still haven't arrived here in Helsinki.

This is all fine, but the reason for my anxiety is changes. I find myself in the middle of them. This summer I feel I have been overwhelmed by work. I know it has been my own choice to work as much as I have, but still I have a feeling of overdoing. And I definately need a break. My working habits have even affected my home life, seeing as I am trying to live together with somebody I love. Work tiredness ads unwanted pressure to any relationship.

Don't get me wrong. I've had some great times at work. I have received thank yous, letters, business cards as well as unforgettable stories at the Helsinki City Tourist Office. I know that I for sure have a good understanding for the tourism of Helsinki. My job has taught me an incredible amount of things about the visitors we have here in my dear home city. One of the most memorable customers was an Asian man who recognized my perfume and told me that I reminded him of his ex girlfriend. Moments like that astonish you and makes it all worthwhile since they are hard to find in other kind of jobs. And let's not forget the people I've worked with. One of my dearest colleagues moved recently to the States and that got me thinking. The friend in question has a very strong sense of will and personality. I look up to her. Seeing her going through this change in her life has made an impression on me. I wish I could be as sure as she about a whole lot of things.

I've been living about one year and two months now in my apartment. I've grown very fond of the place where I live and consider it my home. Despite this, my thoughts run towards the future and new adventures in other places. But that has to wait for now.

Last Monday we had a visit from our landlord. I hadn't seen him in over a year, and of course he wanted to check that the apartment was still in good condition. The great news was that he was so pleased with the way we have it here that he promised to buy us a new fridge! Yey! Something I have dreamed about for over a year! We get to choose what kind of fridge we want, and we have decided on a combination fridge with a separate freezer underneath the fridge. I cannot wait to start filling the freezer! How luxiurious some everyday items can seem when you don't have them!

One uncertain factor is of course the little matter of next year and my whereabouts. According to plans, I'll get my diploma in February. And then what? Thoughts of going to the States for a year as an au pair and/or going to Sweden for a master program in tourism have crossed my mind. I find myself puzzled.

In moments like this, I find it best to spend some quality time on my own and gather my thoughts. I should choose what feels right for me. I needed a self-esteem boost in order to manage with this questions in my mind, and therefore I decided to do something radical to my hair, as usual. It's my way of regaining strengths, like one of my friends have taught me. And I must say that I already on my way out from the hairdresser felt better...now I'm ready for this autumn!

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